Have you become proficient at “managing stuck?” Have you given up on “plan A, B, C and D, abandoning dreams of what you thought your life would be like? Are you stuck in managing stuck?
Picture this: you’re in a rowboat anchored in the middle of a river. You watch as objects float down the river and pass you by. When it rains, you put up a tarp. When the current changes, you keep your paddle in the water so you don’t tip over. When a log comes your way, you swing the boat around. Pulling up anchor and heading around the next bend in the river or going ashore requires more energy than you think you have. All your energy goes into “managing stuck.”
The Truth is, change IS going to happen. Change is a part of life. Staying stuck is NOT going to keep change from happening. Here are nine attitudes that may be keeping you stuck.
1. You do not believe you deserve, or are entitled to, something different or better than you currently have.
2. You have negative thoughts about yourself and in your ability to change. Making a change may be too embarrassing, too hard, or it’s always the wrong time.
3. Life is chaotic. In the past, problem solving creates chaos. Making plans to change becomes elaborate, which raises your level of anxiety. When you feel overwhelmed with anxiety, you shut down, or worse, revert to old patterns that got you stuck in the first place.
4. You feel alone. You lack a support system to help clarify your plan and feel connected with others as change happens in your life.
5. You are a perfectionist. If you are unable to come up with the “perfect” plan, no plan will ever work.
6. You repeatedly make the same choices without seeing results, so you stop.
7. You lack a sense of identity within yourself. Your self identity is reflected in your relationships, the roles you have (i.e. mother, wife, partner, friend, etc.) your education and external conditions. A strong internal identity requires a strong internal core.
8. You feel guilty about how making a change in your life will affect others.
9. You are so proficient at “managing stuck” that any change takes you too far outside your comfort zone.
Do any of these nine attitudes sound familiar? The good news is that when you recognize you’re stuck, you have already begun to become unstuck.
Next week, Part Two – 9 Attitudes that support you in moving through change.